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Relationships can be tough. Any relationship that has been in place between two people for any length of time will have its time of struggle. Sadly, too many relationships don’t survive when the struggle is too severe or goes on for too long, so much so, that making amends is no longer possible. One or both in the relationship just cannot get over the hurt that was caused and instead throw in the towel. Tragically, the relationship ends.
This can happen in any relationship…parent to child, husband to wife, brother to brother, sister to sister, brother to sister, or friend to friend. Anytime this happens it’s truly heartbreaking.
In this blog, I am going to focus on one of the most important relationships offered to us as human beings and that is one of marriage. In focusing on this relationship, I am going to make an argument that might help marriages… and it might just sound crazy, but please hear me out.
Today, I am challenging everyone in their marriage to commit to the “Me First” attitude! Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? To take it even a step further, I am going to say to adopt this attitude especially when your marriage is struggling, when you’re in a fight with your spouse, or when you’re not in a good spot in your marriage. Doesn’t that sound like a winning proposition? I am telling you, if you do this, it might be a game changer.
Ok, enough of the madness of what you think I might be saying here. I better get to explaining. So here goes.
What if I were to ask you this: What is your spouse doing that is hurting your marriage? What is happening now that wasn’t a problem at the beginning when you both decided to say “I do” to each other? Or maybe you simply fight about the same things over and over again and just never seem to resolve anything. All of a sudden now, you no longer understand each other or worse no longer like each other, let alone utter the word “love” when speaking of each other. What if it has gotten so bad that there is abuse going on? You both have resulted in name-calling, disrespect, accusations, and a lack of caring at all for each other. Empathy for each other left your household years ago! Depending on where you are at in your marriage some of this might be hard to think about.
So, here is the challenge. Instead of focusing on all that your spouse is lacking that you think they should be doing, how about you do it first? You go first!
If you want better communication with your spouse, you focus on communicating better first.
If you want to feel loved more, you focus on loving your spouse more first.
If you want to stop the harsh, degrading name-calling, you stop calling them names first.
If you want more kindness to each other, you start being kind first.
If you want to resolve a problem, you find a way to see how you can start down that road first.
If forgiveness is needed, you offer and give forgiveness first and ask for forgiveness first.
If you want them to walk in your shoes, put their shoes on first.
If you want them to love their in-laws more, you love your in-laws more first.
If you would like to hear them compliment you, you start by complimenting them first.
If you want them to be vulnerable with you, be vulnerable with them first.
If you want them to be patient with you, be patient with them first.
If you want them to respect you more, start by respecting them first.
If you want them to have adoration for you, have adoration for them first.
If you want them to put you on a pedestal because you are theirs, put them on a pedestal because they are yours first.
If you want them to be willing to fight for you and who you should be in their life as their spouse, you fight for them and how important they should be in your life first.
And if you want your marriage to be as special as you envisioned it when you got married, you start doing the things to make it special first.
Please understand I know this is not an easy thing to do. I know, I have lived it. But you know what? The Word of God, the Bible, explains what love is so clearly. If each person in the marriage, both Husband and Wife, were to adopt this Scripture passage for themselves first and in their marriages, I am convinced there would be an all-out assault on the divorce rates in our world. This passage is the key to going to war with divorce and winning!
Here it is:
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends…”
Many who read their Bible will know this Scripture passage, but do we actually ponder it, meditate on it, and apply it to our lives? It is so vital that BOTH husband and wife adopt this for themself first! Think about a marriage where both have committed to being patient and kind, both have committed to not being arrogant with one another or rude, both have committed to NOT insisting on what they want, and both have committed to not being irritable or resentful to one another, both have committed to not wronging each other, and both have committed to Truth. Think about a marriage where both are committed to loving each other through anything (bears all things), believes they can get through anything together (believes all things), knows that together they will always find a way (hopes all things), and is committed to getting through any valley or walking through any fire in their marriage (endures all things). Think about a marriage where both commit to all of the above to ensure their love will last (love never ends).
I am convinced, if any married couple (who are struggling in their marriage) went to see a Marriage Counselor and that Marriage Counselor based all their counseling on how each spouse, individually, can adopt and apply 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 to their marriage, the success rate in turning around their marriage would go through the roof. I don’t care what therapy education the Marriage Counselor completed in gaining their counseling credentials, it pales in comparison to what God teaches us in this Scripture. Once each spouse has committed to this individually, by default, they will have committed to it collectively. Please read that sentence again, please absorb it, and let it sink in…and I will say it again because I believe this is the essential key to this whole message: Once each spouse has committed to this individually, by default, they will have committed to it collectively!
To bring this back full circle, I believe that committing to the “Me First” attitude would be the first giant step toward being able to adopt 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 to your life and to your marriage. With that, I have a simple suggestion for any couple: Make a copy of the Scripture verses and tape them to your mirror in the bathroom where you both get ready in, so it reminds you daily of your commitment to it. Fight for your marriage because, sadly, there are way too many things out there that would love to tear it down and they will try.
As I wrap up, if I could be so bold, I want to talk specifically to the Husbands here. Men, grab your wives, turn the TV off, grab your Bible, dim the lights in the home, or light a candle or two to set the stage for a vulnerable yet serious talk, get rid of the kids for the night, and dive into this Scripture together. Commit to each other to be what this Scripture says. Pray, asking God to help you commit to it. And pray for protection from any outside influences that will sway you from it. Men, step up to the plate and take the lead. Be the man your wife married. I truly believe it starts with you!
And finally, please don’t forget to say the words, “I love you,” with actions that leave no doubt that you mean it.
Have Character!
J. Noah Russell
