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Growing up I was a pretty shy kid and, in many ways, an introvert. I had a strong parental upbringing that I brag about to this day! However, the truth is, not every upbringing is perfect. Before I go on here, I want to make it very, very, clear that I believed then and I still believe now that I have the best parents in the history of this planet. Never once did I ever not know I was genuinely loved by both my parents. But, in truth, they are human too.
In my household, there were a couple of words that were used that I felt had an impact on my brother and me. Between the two of us, I was the baby of the family, and the one word that I was tagged with growing up was the word “lazy”. We had chores around the house to do growing up and I always seemed to the be one that was slacking. In truth, many times, I was. I would whine about doing chores, not doing them very thoroughly, or look to my older brother to pick up the slack for me (which he always did!). At that time, I didn’t realize the impact of the word “lazy”, but looking back as a grown man, I believe it had an impact on my confidence level.
But the story doesn’t end there…
My parents were lovingly strict. We were required to do well in school and get educated. Report card time was a big thing in my childhood. There was never a report card that did not go without Mom and Dad’s review and talks with us about them, or discipline if we were slacking. When high school was winding down there didn’t even need to be a talk about what was next. I was going to college! Looking back, I am simply amazed at the aura created in our home simply by how my parents raised us. What a kudo to my parents!
High school graduation happened and then I was headed off to college. During my freshman year, I ended up at the dorms as it was required for the first year. A high school friend of mine went with me to the same school and we stayed in the dorms together.
That first year was the longest year of my life, by far. I didn’t have a car on campus and was home sick pretty easily. My father would pick me up on Fridays and drop me back off on Sundays. The college was about 45 minutes from our home. So, my freshman year…first semester…I took College Algebra as one of my courses.
I was pretty good at Math so I thought I wouldn’t have problems with this class. I was told by people older than me that when I attend college, a college professor can make a big difference in my performance. I didn’t believe this at all. Well, I found out quickly, that I was wrong. The professor I had in College Algebra would put a problem on the chalkboard and call on someone to answer it. If you got it wrong, the Professor mockingly laughed at you in front of everyone. As a shy kid, I was mortified. I struggled in the class to the point that halfway through I was flunking out of the class. I was flunking out so badly that I started to worry whether I was cut out to be college material. More importantly, my parents were paying for my college education outright with no student loans, oh, and did I happen to mention my father was very, very big on education? I had a very healthy fear of my father more than anything else I was dealing with at that time. Not college material? Who cares! Flunk this class? I’ll get over it! Go home and look Dad in the face to tell him that I flunked one of my first college courses and maybe I wasn’t going back the next semester. ABSOLUTELY NOT AN OPTION! Haha!
(On a side note: By no means were my parents rich. My parents made the sacrifice of pour everything they had into their boys so they were going to do what it took to make sure I did not come out of school with huge debt!)
So, midway through this course, I had to do something! The class itself was a nightmare. I cringed with every session. I had to do something to survive and had no one to lean on for help in surviving. I decided to go to the college bookstore. I found an extra study guide for the course, bought it, and went back to my dorm room.
In the dorms, the rooms were very small. You had a roommate with each of you having a small desk built into each side of the walls across from each other. If you both sat down at your desks, your chairs were very close to being back-to-back with each other. I would sit up late at night studying this book. It would be 2 or 3 AM and my roommate would wake up and ask me, “What are you doing being up so late?” I would be sitting at the desk in the dark with just a little light on at the desk studying from the study guide and trying to master the problems. I would tell my roommate, “I can’t fail this class, I have to learn this stuff!”. I decided right then and there that I was not going to let failure be an option for me! Again, at this time I was failing this class!
The semester ended and I got my grades…College Algebra…“D”! The rest of my grades were fine, but the grade I was the proudest of, believe it or not, was this “D”!!!! I didn’t fail the course! For the rest of my college career, it would be the only “D” I got in college! I graduated with a college degree in Business 4 years later, taking classes in the Spring and Summer to make sure I was out in 4 years with my Bachelor’s Degree.
To this day (I am 49 years old writing this), this class has forever stuck with me! It is the only college course I ever talk about. This class taught me more about myself than any other course I ever took. It taught me that I could accomplish anything if I worked hard and refused to let it beat me! To this day, whenever I am faced with something tough in my life, I think back to that class! The times back then were tough…I was young…I was stressed…I was scared…I had self-doubt…but it fueled prayer…determination…a no-quit attitude…and ultimately a strength I never knew I had. (Now, let’s not be foolish here…I had a God that was carrying me the whole way…read my blogs and this should be very clear!).
And, it doesn’t end there…. To this day, this “D” I believe helped me be a better parent as well! I have raised 3 kids. Education was important in my household too! (Thanks Mom and Dad!). However, when my kids brought home report cards, I never looked first at the grades they brought home. Instead, I looked at the teacher’s remarks in the footnotes to the class. Without fail, it was there that I would know what grades my child brought home. If the teachers had “Have Character” remarks such as “works hard, tries hard, is attentive in class, is very respectful and participates” or anything of the like, I could almost guess what the grade was going to be. However, if, in the rare instance that the “Have Character” remarks from the teacher were there, but the grade was not so good, I was totally fine with it because I always remembered how hard it was for me to get that “D”.
And…it still doesn’t even end there…I kept my college transcripts…never knowing why, but God would show me the reason many years later. I graduated from college in 1996. Speed up to 2021, 25 years later. My youngest son is struggling in his college courses. He is stressed. We are not just father and son…we are the best of friends too. One day, as I was driving in my car, I was trying to figure out how in the world can I help out my son through his stress. The thought pops in my head (thank you God!) that, at home, I am sitting on my college transcripts that I had kept a copy of. When I got home, I went and got them. I called my son down from his room. We started talking about the stress he was dealing with in the classes he was in. I gave him my college transcripts and I showed them to him. I told him out of all those classes that got me to my college degree there is only one that has mattered throughout my whole life, and I pointed him to that beautiful and only “D” sitting on my college transcripts. There it was in the first year, first semester, during the most stressful time I attended college.
After I told him my story, I could see and feel my son’s stress start to get less and lesser. I was able to put things in a proper perspective for him. If he worked hard, he would be absolutely fine, no matter what the final grade.
I hope this story of my life brings you a few things to consider: 1.) Hard work will always have its rewards 2.) With hard work you can accept the outcome 3.) Quitting is never an option 4.) What happens in the here and now, you never know how the life lesson of today will help you later in life, and 5.) More importantly, allows you to have an impact on others in a positive way, maybe even your son or daughter, the most precious people you are responsible for.
Here’s to seeking truth, clinging to honesty, striving for integrity, and Having Character!
J. Noah Russell
HAVE CHARACTER™
