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I am a firm believer in the importance of upbringing. I think upbringing shapes us in so many ways, both good and bad. How we look at ourselves, how we view relationships, how our morals and values are shaped, and even the confidence or lack thereof that we develop. This list really could go on and on.
The most influential relationship that we have growing up is the one we have with our parents. Parents impact their kids most and shape who they become one way or the other.
This brings me to ask you dads out there, the question: Are you your child’s biggest fan? And if so, how do you show them? If the answer to the first question is “yes”, but you can’t answer the second question, then what good is “yes” to the first question if your child doesn’t know it?
I am going to tell you a story about a dad who made it known to his son with just a simple, yet clever way of getting the message across. This is a true story.
When his son was around 6 years old, the dad asked him what activity he wanted to get involved in. The dad wanted to get his son involved in doing something to help him stay active and learn to do things with other kids. He wanted his son to decide. Then he would know the son was doing it because he was interested in it and not because dad was trying to make him do it. To the dad’s delight, even though he had never played the game himself, his son picked ice hockey. The dad liked hockey and thought it would be great to be able to watch his son try it. To make it even better, the dad’s father his son’s grandfather, loved hockey. The dad loved nothing more than to tell Grandpa that his grandson was going to be playing hockey. So, hockey it would be.
Quickly, it became obvious to the dad that starting your son ice skating at 6 years old is a little too late. All the other kids, who had dads that played the game, were on skates the moment they were walking. This dad quickly learned his son was behind. So, he got him a personal skating coach and got his son’s skating skills up to speed in a hurry.
Once the son started to play, he started to flourish as a defenseman. To the credit of his skating coach, he surpassed most kids his age in his ability to transition from frontward to backward skating and vice versa. In many games he played, although he wasn’t always the best player, he was always one of the most fluent skaters on the ice. The dad became pretty proud of his son and enjoyed watching him play. The dad appreciated watching the development of his son’s game. Grandpa was overly thrilled and never missed a game.
With each year, came traveling to tournaments. With tournaments came photos available to be purchased. During the games, photos would be taken of the action on the ice. After each game, the parents would all go out to the lobby where the photo company would have their booth set up to view all the action photos taken during the game. They would be looking to see if any cool action photos of their son were available for purchase. Sure enough, there always seem to be at least a couple of photos worth paying for. As you can imagine, a nice photo collection of his son playing hockey was being added to regularly.
The dad then went out and got a nice black Sharpie pen and whenever they got home from a hockey tournament, the dad would pull out the photos they purchased. He would then ask his son to sign each one of them. This was before his son was even old enough to truly “sign” his name but instead could just print his name. So instead of signing his name, his son would print his name on the photos. Soon the printing would turn into signing once his son got a couple of years older and had learned to put a good signature on them.
One day, being curious, the son finally asked his dad, “Dad, why do you have me sign my name on my pictures all the time?”
The dad, smiling, simply said, “You really want to know?”.
“Yes.” The son replied.
“Well, son, because I am your biggest fan. I will always be your biggest fan. So, I want all the photos I have of you signed by you.”
The dad made it a goal of his to make sure his son knew, that when he took the ice, his biggest fan would always be there in the stands rooting him on.
This story is just a simple one, but a very important one. It is a true story because I lived it. My son is about to turn 24 years old at the time of this blog. We are the best of friends now. I haven’t done many things right in my life, but I think being a dad, I was pretty successful (although never perfect). Dads when you look at your son there is no way to get away from seeing you. He needs a fan in his life. Not one that worships him like a fan worships a celebrity, but a fan that will have his back no matter what. One that will refuse to let him fail, not in a bad performance in a hockey game (who cares about that), but in this tough thing we call life. He needs to know you that if he needs advice or someone to be there for him, it will always be you. He needs to know that in life when things get tough you will be the one to support him, lift him up, and give him tough honesty at times when it’s needed. You need to discipline him at a young age so that discipline serves him well as he becomes a man.
In all of it, two things should stand out no matter how you handle your relationship with your son. He should know you love him (even in the times of discipline) and know that you are the one person he can trust. If anyone were to ask him, “Who is the one person that would jump in front of a truck for you?”, make sure that without hesitation he will point to YOU. Dads, when you do this your son will repay you countless times with the most important being the relationship you have with him. But maybe, even more important than that, is how he treats his son when he now has a son that needs him!
To all the dads out there, I encourage you to always be your child’s biggest fan. Find a cool way to let them know and an even cooler way to show them!
Have Character!
J. Noah Russell
HAVE CHARACTER™
